


Focus On The Senses

by Bolt41319



Series: OQ Angst Week [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Missing Year (Once Upon a Time), OQAngstFest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 11:31:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15662382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bolt41319/pseuds/Bolt41319
Summary: For #OQAngstFestPrompt #1, 2, 24, 34, 35She never thought their first fight would end like this.





	Focus On The Senses

She never thought their fight would end this badly. 

Her back stays pressed against the door, head between her knees. Her stockings are soaked through with the tears that poured out. Crescent nail marks are deep in her palms, and her chest heaves as she tries to catch her breath. 

The panic rises through her chest, bubbling and burning in her blood. She can feel the evil tearing through her heart, ready to come out and play. 

He’d never made her feel evil, even with everything she’d done. Not until today. 

A strong burn against her palm singes her stockings, and she pulls away with a quiet  _ fuck _ . Fire courses from her palms, reflecting in her eyes as the embers blaze. With a yell, she throws the fireball across the room, igniting the fireplace into a steady burn. The fire dissolves from her hands, and she drops her head back against the door. 

Their fight was stupid in the first place. He had always been so forgiving, so unbearably kind to her, that she knew it would all fade one day. Her happiness always faded. One moment he’s pressing kisses to her neck while she slipping out of her dress and the next he’s slamming the door to her room, walking out before she can get another word out. 

She shouldn’t have brought up the war. She knew it was bound to cause a fight, to make him yell and slam the door. She saw it coming, but her darkened heart and itch for disaster made her bring it up anyhow. The fight against her sister was going to destroy them all anyhow, why not let it destroy the only thing she knows how to love before the war even begins. 

She’s been adamant since the first attack that Robin wasn’t allowed to fight alongside her and David. 

His life is too precious, more valuable than hers could ever be. She’s explained that to him every time the fight was brought up. His son needed him more than he needed to fight. End of story. But each time, his stubborn attitude helped him aided in his argument that he needed to be by her side. That through all of this, if something happened to her magic, she would die. And he couldn’t let that happen. 

They hadn’t mentioned love yet, but she knew it was there. She felt it every time she saw him. When he would walk into the main hall for breakfast, carrying his incredible little boy in his arms, his eyes would meet hers and the smirk that spread across his lips brought weakness to her knees. When he would slip behind her, and spread his fingertips along her hip, her heart would beat faster than it had before. When they went out for patrol and she ended up with her back against a tree, skirt hiked up as he brought pleasure to her with his fingers and his mouth, she saw stars and felt fireworks through her fingertips. 

A knock beats against the door, and she startles back. 

“Leave me alone” she yells, digging her fingers into her hair. 

“Regina, open the door” he growls, knocking again. “You know i’ll just break in if you don’t open up.”

She doesn’t want to see him right now. He’ll see the heartbreak she can feel on her face the second he walks in the room, and she isn’t ready for that. She can’t confront him, isn’t ready to listen to him tell her that it’s over. The relationship they didn’t have long enough to start will end before it began. 

She can feel the tears brimming in her eyes again, the panic clawing its way up her throat. “I don’t want to see you right now.” The whimper breaks through before she can stop it, and the tears flood down her cheeks. Her heart starts racing, sweaty palms dig into her thighs, and the sob that breaks from her chest is heard through her door. Her breathing moves toward hyperventilating as her mind swirls with all the possibilities of her horrible ending. 

The second she opens that door, her soulmate leaves her and a piece of her dies. 

“Regina, move away from the door, love. I’m coming in.” 

She doesn’t know when or how she moves, or how he manages to break into her locked door, but the next thing she feels is his calloused hands holding her cheeks, his thumbs caressing her cheekbone. “Regina you’re going to make yourself sick. You need to breathe.”

The second he commands her to, the air floods back into her lungs. She spurts out a cough, choking on the sobs still continuing to flow freely from her. Her heart feels like it’s breaking into pieces, just as it did when she found herself back in the Enchanted Forest without the child who still loved her through all of her faults. 

“Regina I need you to slow down. You need to focus on one thing at a time. Focus on your senses. What do you hear?” 

Her hands come up to grip his forearms, squeezing tightly, digging her nails into his skin. “Y-your voice. Merry men, I- I can hear their voices carrying from outside. There are birds.”

He nods, his thumbs continuing their gentle, calming caress against her cheeks. “Right, good. Stick with me, stick with my voice. What do you smell?”

“Pinewood” she answers immediately. Her crying is beginning to calm, her breaths evening out. “You… I smell you.” The chuckle he lets out brings warmth into her heart and slows her shaking hands. 

“Touch?” 

She squeezes his forearms and nuzzles her face into his hands. “Your skin in rough” she grumbles. She keeps her eyes closed, afraid to look at him and face the reality of their situation. Even with her slow-fading panic attack, she knows that her impending doom is coming. The second she opens her eyes, her world will come crashing in around her. 

Right after he ask her what she tastes, she feels his lips press gently against hers. They’re soft, and he tastes like the whiskey they’d shared after the first night he laid her in front of her fireplace and worshiped her body with his tongue. He pulls away just as slowly as he’d kissed her, his breath hot against her lips. 

“Regina, open your eyes for me.”

Her gaze falls upon his. She can feel the dampness of her tears against her cheeks, the tremble of her lip and she accepts what he’s going to say. 

“I’m don’t want to lose you too” she whispers. “I’m sorry, Robin. I’m so sorry. I understand why you’re angry with me, I do. But I need to explain why. Roland needs you, Robin. I’d give anything to be with my son. But here, in this, I’m disposable. If I die, it won’t matter. The world will move on and-” 

“No” he growls. He stands and wraps her up in his arms as he goes, carrying her to the couch by the fireplace. He’d found her in the middle of panic attacks before. At night, when she would wake up in a sweat and screaming out for her son. Her eyes would be wild and frantic, searching for something to ground her. After her panic attacks, she would curl into his lap and apologize over and over, though each time he explained that there was nothing to be ashamed of, that no matter what he would always be there for her. 

“Regina, we’re going to talk about this, without the yelling. I won’t storm out, but you have to give me a chance. You need to actually listen to me.”

She nods, wiping the leftover panic and heartbreak from her face. 

“I want to start off by saying i’m sorry.” He reaches out and links his fingers with hers, squeezing tightly. “No matter how cross I was, I wasn’t right to walk out of the room. But here, now, Regina i’m all in. But you have to listen to me,  _ truly  _ listen, not just not and go behind my back.”

“You’re putting yourself in danger. Danger that you don’t have to be a part of. Your son deserves better than for you to die for a code of honor. He needs you, more than this fight does.”

“You don’t get it” he says, shaking his head. He pulls her hands into his lap and squeezes again. His eyes are focused on their hands as he find what he wants to say. “Regina, I love you. I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you, save for my son, and yours.”

As he talks, she starts to shake her head and the tears threaten to fall once again. “You can’t love me, i’m evil.” 

Heartbreak pours from his face, and he shakes his head. “No- no darling i’m sorry. I’m so sorry I ever said that to you.”

“But it’s true!” she yells. She’s standing now, pacing around her bedroom. With just the word leaving her lips, she can feel the darker side of herself itching to break free, to cause havoc throughout the Enchanted Forest. She yearns to hold a beating heart in her hand. Not even to kill, just to hold a heart, have all of the power of one person’s life in the palm of her hand. “I know how everyone looks at me, especially now that we’re here. I was awful, Robin. Awful to these people every day. I killed their families, I burned their homes… Robin, I killed your  _ wife _ . And all to extract some stupid revenge that went to shit anyhow. None of their lives were worth it. Robin i’m a  _ monster _ . How could I have- Roland, or Henry, or- well who knows what would have happened… But how could I have these children around me? Why would you let me near your son? You’ve been right this entire day, that I’m evil. I’m a terrible person, I don’t deserve happiness.” 

“Absolutely not!” He yells. He’s standing now, too, towering above her as her toes dig anxiously into the carpet. “Regina you aren’t listening to me. You aren’t evil, darling. No matter what faults you’ve had, your heart didn’t start as evil, therefore you aren’t evil. There’s no one here I trust more with my son than you. You’ve brought light back into his life, as well as mine. Without you, everyone here would be lost to a world we’d long forgotten.” 

She shakes her head, the tears threatening to fall again. “Without me none of this would’ve happened. Had Rumpelstiltskin not gotten ahold of me, had my mother not ruined my chance at happiness, I wouldn’t have cast the first curse.” 

“Right- Regina you just said it. Your mother, the Dark One… each of them had a hold of your heart long before the darkness took its form. You didn’t do that to yourself. You were a good person, and you still are.” He takes her into his arms and presses a chaste kiss to her forehead. 

“And as for the war- Regina the reason I will always fight by your side is because I can’t imagine my life without you. Throughout this year you’ve put my son and I back together. You say that you’re disposable but that is so far from true. If you were to die-” he shakes his head and his eyes close. 

“That day when the flying beasts attacked, and you threw yourself in front of Roland and got hurt, we were so afraid you wouldn’t wake. Those few days that you rested my world went gray. It was like without you, there was no more color left. Every time your heart beat would slow, something else would disappear.” He can feel her tears soaking into his top, and his arms tighten around her. 

“I’m so sorry” she whispers. He shakes his head again and pulls back from her, cupping her cheeks so she’s looking up at him. 

“Regina Mills, I love you. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not letting you fight this battle alone. We’re in this together, so that one day your son can meet mine, and we’ll finally be the family you mumble about in your sleep.” 

She presses a kiss to his lips, and strokes a hand down the rough stubble of his jaw. “I still don’t want you to fight” she mumbles against his lips.

He chuckles an  _ I know _ against hers, kissing her again. 

“And I love you too” she whispers. 

“I know.” 


End file.
